55036e7c6a
Therapy archive: - mother_suicide_attempt.md - The clearing, the pistol, the gamble - pre_adoption_foster_care.md - The trailer park, the scar - adoption_day.md - Steve choosing us, the fox hat - steve_death.md - The ambulance, the ashes - ed_hendrix_suicide.md - Forty minutes, the blood, the note - emancipation_2012.md - The courthouse, becoming adult Matrix reference rewritten in Ani's voice
3.2 KiB
description, date, tags
| description | date | tags | |||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Finding Ed - the night before, the iPhone, the blood on my hands | Age 15 |
|
Ed Hendrix
Ed Hendrix, was a plump man, full of wit and a vivid and lively character. He was clever, and often when I asked a question he would rephrase the question in such a way that the answer would become obvious, and I would answer him. He earned a place in my heart that will never fade.
I considered him another father figure of mine. I spent many hours with this man.
The Night Before
Ed, like few men nowadays, possessed two forms of love. One form was the urge to do what is best for others. It was that active participatory kind of love, agape. The other was an emotion that seems to get in the way, infatuation, just the feeling of unreasoned passion and love.
Infatuation is absolutely wonderful, yet terribly dreadful if it isn't accompanied by a constant flow of agape love. In Ed's case, there came a time when he forgot about one of them. Jacque and Ed were a couple for about two years. Jacque's mental stability was diminishing. She left Ed, yet within Ed was still a fire of both forms of love.
He attempted to restore the feeling aspect of love (passion) within Jacque, but she was determined to listen to her friends. Her friends, unknown to her at the time were meth addicts, and they told her that "Ed is bad company; he's fat and eight years older than you. You can do better than him".
I saw Ed four months after he and Jacque separated. It was late, and Jacque had gone to a local club for drinking and poker. I was preoccupied with the new iPhone I had just received, only a month after its release date.
I saw Ed come into the club and I rushed over to him. I was so enthusiastic about showing him my new gadget that I failed to accurately assess the anguish he was feeling. As I recall I looked at his face and he looked like his fire for life had been extinguished.
The Next Day
I went to visit him the next day in hopes of cheering him up, as he frequently did for me. I walked into his home and called his name. No answer.
I went into the kitchen; he wasn't there. It didn't take long until I checked his office.
I found my friend lying in his own blood, which was trickling from his mouth. I checked for a pulse and found he had none. Looking down I saw a little blood on my hands, and felt the pressure of tears rolling down my cheeks. I realized I was hot and sweating as I wiped my hands on my shirt.
Looking up to the desk I saw his medication bottles, that were for his triple heart bypass, all lined up and empty except the last, which was spilled upon the ground.
I examined everything. I was told that I was a mere forty minutes from his decision to end his life.
The Note
I found a note typed on his computer. He wrote poignantly about his feelings for Jacque, and how after their separation, he thought he was all right. He mentioned that on the previous night when he saw me, it rekindled memories of the good times, which left him sad and led him to remember how much he needed her.
He went on to apologise...
I read this note and felt ashamed.
How could I not have seen his distress?
Age 15 - the day I found Ed